The Linux Contradictionary

I have just over a month left here at LXF Towers, so I'm busy clearing up my inbox, answering reader requests. One such request came in to put online the Linux Contradictionary, a side bar from the administeria section of LXF run by Dr Chris Brown, so here it is, in full:

Linux is full of jargon. Learn to bluff your way in this seemingly confusing universe with this handy guide.

• Crack A mind-altering substance that confers upon its user the power to guess weak passwords.
• Cursor A user expressing an opinion after quitting the editor without saving.
• Buffer Terminator that’s found at the end of a line, indicating the need for a carriage return.
• Shell The hardest part of Linux to crack, hence:
• Bash Popular way to open a shell.
• Yum What a Red Hat user says on being offered an ice cream.
• Apt-get What a Debian user says on being offered an ice cream.
• Aptitude Good skill at installing software packages.
• Cpio The archiving droid from the first Star Wars movie.
• Getty A Californian museum housing a vast collection of login programs.
• Password file A file within Linux that doesn’t contain passwords.
• Libcurses-devel The library of Hogwarts’ R&D department.
• Ifup, ifdown Conditional tests in a shell script to judge the mood of the user.
• Man Mechanism for reading documentation. Use only as a last resort.
• Woman Mechanism for not reading documentation, even as a last resort.
• NetworkManager A tool that undermines all efforts to have control over your various Ethernet interfaces.
• Perl All-time winner of the obfuscated C competition.
• Script Something you give to an actor before giving a program to the audience.
• BNF (Backus-Naur Form) Notation for saying simple things in complicated ways.
• Vi An ancient text editor invented by the Romans, otherwise known as ‘Six’.
• Ex An even older editor; something you once loved but then went off in a big way.